Happy New Year??? Let's hope so!
9:45 a.m. - 2007-12-31
Happy New Year??? Let's hope so!
9:45 a.m. - 2007-12-31
I remember the days when I looked forward to New Year's Eve. Meeting with our friends, counting down the new year, playing cards, talking shit...mostly just talking shit.
And yes...we would be drinking till the wee hours of the morning. Now, all our friends have their families, and most have moved away. We will be bringing in the New Year at my MIL's house. Hopefully, this will reign in Hombre with his drinking. I'm sure it will since it's BYOB, and we are flat broke. I have to work on my attitude and not anticipate having a bad time. As long as we're together, then that's all that counts, right?
I used to be fun at parties...well, at least I thought I was fun. :)
But now I just sit back and watch everyone, I keep an eye on Hombre, and am amazed at how my oldest daughter just commands the room with her wonderful personality. She will have everyone laughing at her goofiness, her smart ass remarks, and when her and her little sister start bantering back and forth...well, please be seated folks, the show has begun. I envy their youth, their carefree attitude, their beauty. I want to be like that.
I think I may be going through my midlife crisis, or something. I just don't feel...pretty. I don't feel vibrant anymore...I feel like a faded shadow of myself, and I don't know how to get it back. I know the money situation is really NOT helpling. My weight is really weighing me down...pun intended. And prolonged periods of no sex really are taking their toll on me, even though I'm the one that is putting the brakes on in that department with Hombre.
The period between our "sessions" are effecting the way we relate to each other after the act is done. It's like having a one-night stand with someone that you met when you had beer-goggles on, and the next morning, you think, "What the hell did I just do? And I did it with HIM?? Ugh."
Well, at least that's how I feel afterward. And it's not that I don't find Hombre physically unattractive, I think he's a good looking man...
It's just all the other bullshit that I cannot stand. The drinking, the beer-cigarrette breath, the drinking, the not trying to find ANY job, the drinking, the superior attitude that I'm lucky that he stays with me, the drinking, that way he makes me feel like I should be kissing his feet and waiting on him hand and foot because he's the father of my children, the drinking...
You get the picture.
I was invited to my friends house for New Year's Eve. Actually, BabyGirl and I were invited. My friend's daughter dances in the same group that BabyGirl dances in, and BabyGirl like's her brother. She has been BUGGING the hell out of me, begging that we go to my friends party. I told her that if it were for anything else, we would go, but it's New Years and I want to spend it with ALL my kids, and grand daughter.
So she is a little peeved, but I think she thinks that she can still persuade me to go later on tonight. But you know what? I DON'T HAVE A CAR TO GET THERE! We will not be going anywhere but to her grandma's house.
OK...enough of pity-party. You know, the last time I was feeling this low about myself, I had an affair with Mr. Man that lasted for years. I'm not saying that's what I'm gonna do...hell, I think I'd have a hell of a problem trying to get someone to notice me. But anyway...just an observation.
I hope you all have a safe and happy New Years!