Remembering the old days...Remembering me!
12:19 a.m. - 2008-05-03
Remembering the old days...Remembering me!
12:19 a.m. - 2008-05-03
Today was a day of remembering yesterdays. First, one of my dearest friends called me. I feel bad because she left me a VMM about three weeks ago, and I never returned her call. Just hearing her voice, and talking with her reminded me of the person I used to be. I used to love being with my friends, laughing, and just being ME! Knowing that she was thinking about me just made my heart expand. She reminded me that I am more than Mom, more than Hombre's woman, more than an employee for an organization.
I am a person that likes to laugh, and talk, and be silly, act stupid, and just have fun. Just BE ME!
I miss her, and I don't know why I don't keep in touch with her...or any of my other friends. I have been blessed to have these wonderful women in my life, and I neglect them. Why? Why am I such a bad friend?
Later on, my nephew and his family stopped by. They live about an hour away, and they were in town for a graduation party for someone else in the family...not our family, his wife's family. But they stopped by to visit. And we started talking about the things we did when we were kids. The first time he got drunk, and threw up over the edge of my porch. Mind you, his mom is almost 20 years my senior, and her son is more like my brother since we are so close in age. So I was supposed to be responsible for him. And when this fool decided to try and be the cool guy and drink and smoke like the other northside idiots, I had to take care of him.
We talked about being even younger, and he and his sisters, and my other nieces and nephews would all play "Princess." Guess who was the princess? Yep, yours truly! And my three neices were my slaves. I would summon them by clapping my hands the appropriate number of times. Once for slave number one (my oldest niece), twice for slave number two (the second oldest), etc. My nephew was my unicorn that I would ride through the woods. Mind you, I was about 11 or 12 years old, the oldest one.
Anyway, we were remembering how we played this game, and one time when "I was riding my unicorn" through the forest, a bear tried to attack me. I jumped off my "unicorn" ad he proceeded to fight off the bear, and eventually killed it by stabbing it with his horn. What a sight it was to see my nephew on his knees, rising up and flailing his front "legs" and whinying like crazy as he tried to protect the princess!
Then we talked about how we played
"Vampire" at dusk. One person would be the vampire, and anyone he/she would catch (like tag) would then be "turned" into a vampire with great fanfare of hissing and displaying of wax vampire teeth! The beauty of the game is that you did not know who had been captured and turned into a vampire, so you could unexpectadly be turned into a vampire by someone you thought was your ally.
Yeah...I used to have fun. As a kid, as an adult. Where has that chick gone?
Now I sit here waiting for Hombre to call from jail, trying to figure out what my next step is to get more money in my account to cover my mortgage payment.
I am a shell of myself. How do I begin to find the real me?