Hombre and Mister...
12:10 p.m. - 2008-04-04

Well, let's see...where to begin.

Homefront:

So Hombre has been working a couple of side jobs with his cousin the last couple of days. He also did some side work for one of his boss' friends. He finally received a check for that work yesterday in the mail. So by the time I get home, he has received his check, and left again to go back and finish working with his cousin. Do I really need to tell you the next part? He didn't get home till 9:30 last night. Granted, he was not as drunk as I had anticipated, but enough to irritate the shit out of me. As an apology (I think), he gave me sixty dollars from the money his cousin paid him. He still had his paycheck that he got in the mail. He goes to the corner store to cash his check, and get more beer.

I did not cook dinner last night, and the kids did their fend-for-yourself bit. I did not eat, because I just didn't feel like it. I was overcome with "tiredness." You know that feeling when you just don't want to deal with stupid shit, don't want to face the person that your irritated with, and your body just wants to lie down and rest? That was me last night. He kept coming into the bedroom, and saying shit like, "So, I guess that means I don't have to pull out the bed, huh?"

Or, "Oh, so you're just going to sleep? Just like that, bam, you're tired?"

I waited for the comments to keep coming, or get more biting. But instead he finished the rest of his beer, and before I knew it he was snoring away in the living room, with the TV blasting away. I waited for about 45 minutes to make sure he was dead asleep, and then I went out there and turned the TV off.

This morning, while I was in the bathroom doing my hair, he comes in to pee, and stands behind me with his morning hardon, and just starts pushing it again my ass. You know what? That does not turn me on, not when all I can smell is your beer-morning breath, and there's a wet spot on your boxers, so it makes me think you peed a little bit on yourself. Not SEXY!!!! Not SEDUCTIVE!!! Just nasty. He laughs, and then proceeds to pee, and then he took himself back to the couch. I guess he was waiting to see if it was going to continue raining. If it stopped then he would go to work. If not, the couch is going to be his best friend today.

But then, on the other hand, you think I'm being more critical than normal because I got to see Mr. Man yesterday?

YES...I SAID I GOT TO SEE HIM, FOLKS!

And, yes, I did just SEE him. Nothing else. But he looked so good, and I felt like an embarrassed school girl. I didn't know how to stand, where to put may hands, arms. I kept crossing them, then uncrossing them. I was so scared. So terrified that I would see a look of disappointment on his face when he saw how much weight I've gained.

He told me I was still beautiful. I said something about my wieght, and he said something about my being "juicy." The first thing that came to mind when I heard him use that word was "Butterball Turkey." I don't know why...

But after a minute, I decided it sounded alright. I'm juicy!!!

I couldn't look him in the eyes. I really felt like a little, bitty girl! He gave me something of his as a keepsake. Nothing important, but a sweet gesture.

I just wanted to hold his hand, or lightly touch his face. He looks exactly the same, and when he looks at me with those eyes...I don't know. I don't know what it is about that man. But my heart starts pounding, and I have to fight very hard to not fidget, and act nervous.

I didn't get close enough to smell him. That's probably a good thing. He always smells so good, and that probably would have sent me over the edge.

He sat in his car, and I stood at his window. The visit only lasted about 10 minutes. But it made me feel so good...

This morning, I had the desire to wear my red boots, and my red sweater. I applied my makeup extra carefully, and I made sure I had shaved my legs. I didn't really put any thought behind this...it was like automatic.

As I was waiting for my ride, though, I noticed something was wrong with the heel on my boot. The heel sole was coming out...like the hole was too big for the nail, and it was sliding out. Hombre was kind enough to get off the couch and try to glue it back in place for me. But my ride had already arrived, and I had changed to something else, and put my tenny's on. I felt like Cinderella at midnight!

I also began to feel guilty, because subconciously, I think I was preparing myself to see Mr. Man.

What am I doing? Why am I thinking about this? I try to make it alright in my head, you know. I tell myself, it's not like we're going to keep doing this. Just one more time together...that's it. Just meet him one time, get it out of your system, and then...

...and then...

...and then...

...what?

I'll be missing him more than ever, and I will be more angry with Hombre for not being Mr.

Or, maybe, I just need one time to feel beautiful, and sexy again. To feel desired, and appreciated.

I don't know what I'm going to do. But I do know that I desire that man, and I've been thinking about him a lot the last couple of weeks, and then out of the blue he calls me. Am I being a superstitious twit thinking that might be a sign.

Yeah, probably. That's me...a juicy twit!

Have a nice weekend, ya'll.

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