Lovin and the fat chick...
12:51 p.m. - 2007-08-09
Lovin and the fat chick...
12:51 p.m. - 2007-08-09
Hombre did not drink at all last night. As I told Wyatt, he got a little grumpier later in the night, but I stayed with him in his bed.
It was great.
I really must get over this selfconciousness I feel about my body. I have to work really hard to turn my mind off when he and I are making love. Because all I picture in my minds eye is how I must look like a huge tub of flab lying there naked. Then I start trying to cover myself up, and then I don't want to move around a lot because I don't want a wave of flab to gross him out.
I mean I really have to work hard at blocking out those images. Otherwise, it's a lost cause, and I won't get anything out of it. I don't want to deny him, but at this point I don't know if my holding back is really because of the drinking or if my being overweight is now the bigger issue for me.
Last night I saw pictures of myself from four years ago. Man, I looked great! I was down to a size 12, and I looked cute as hell!
I want to be that again. I have to be that again for my mental happiness. I am miserable the way I am.
Time for change. I deserve it!
Now it's a matter of getting my big ass in gear, eh?
Take care, ya'll!