Going mental...
3:32 p.m. - 2008-10-30
Going mental...
3:32 p.m. - 2008-10-30
I am really missing Mr. Man lately. I don't know why I cannot get him out of my mind. When Hombre was away, I was so fucking horny! I mean I have never had that feeling come on me so strongly.
When Hombre came home, I was beside myself. I really needed him, just to get this anxious, horny feeling out of my system. But now that he is back to the same old shit, I can't, or won't, be with him. That is the only time we have been together since he's been out. I told him that when he's drinking, I don't want to be with him. I also told him that it seems like the only time he wants to be with me is when he's drunk. So there you go.
I look around and I have thought about starting something else with someone else. I have fantasized about it, but I just cannot get myself to go there. Not with anyone other than Mr. Man. I don't know why he has that hold on me. Unfortunately, I really think I turned him off the last time he saw me. I completely believe that seeing me at this heavier weight just killed it for him.
Why did he have to look exactly the same? He looked so good, and I betcha if I could have smelled him, he probably smelled better than he looked. Yeah, there are other brothers around here that seem interested in me, but none hold a candle to how Mr. made me feel. I think a lot of it was that he was never afraid to show me how much he desired me. In my so passive-agressive personality, it just turned me on when we would end up in the elevator alone, by accident, and he would just grab me and kiss the hell out of me. Whenever he had the chance, he just did it, grabbed me and kissed me, rubbed my booty on the sly. Something, he always did something that made me feel like I drove him crazy. And that in and of itself drove me crazy for him.
You see, I'm too afraid to take that step with anyone else. And I don't think anyone else has the balls that Mr. Man did to just to that. Well, not anyone that I would want to do that.
I think I may have to go to the grownfolks shop and pick up some tools to get some relief from this wicked horniness I'm feeling.
How sad am I that years after Mr. and I stopped seeing each other, I still fantasize about him when I handle my "personal" business?
I miss him. I have even been so lame as to try and send my thoughts to him, letting him know how much I need him, and miss him. As stupid as it sounds, in the past when I've done this...really concentrated about it, or had super vivid dreams of him, I would end up hearing from him within a day or two.
I know...that's corny, right? But I'm still gonna give it a try. HAHAHA!