Possible silver linings....
10:54 a.m. - 2007-08-21
Possible silver linings....
10:54 a.m. - 2007-08-21
I reported the accident to my car insurance. I know they are not going to cover anything, but I need to know whether the car is salvagable, or just cut my losses. I'm going to paying on a car I don't have.
By the time I got home yesterday, I was angry again. Hombre had gone to see the car and get our personal belongings out of it. My checkbook was in there, and the copies of the paperwork for the house had been in there. I figured I could get them out later, ya know? So he gets all the shit, except for that paperwork. The paperwork with copies of my W2 forms, copies of my last four paystubs, copies of my tax return. No, he didn't think to grab that stuff. He said all the papers were strewn all over the back seat. So he just left them there. That was it...I started crying. Then I couldn't stop. I kept asking him, "What am I going to do now? How am I going to get back to where I was? That was the first nice vehicle I had? Now I don't have shit, and I'm so broke it's scary! Now what! WHAT DO I DO NOW?"
He sat there with tears in his eyes, and I just wanted to smack the shit out of him. He still has not had a drink, but I'm not putting any faith in him anymore. I had started beleiving that things would work out between us, that I could not imagine myself with anyone else except the father of my children...like it should be, right? But now, I feel so let down. So defeated! I know I have to fight to get back on my feet, but right now, at this very moment, I just want to get away from all of it. After I cried, I went into BabyGirl's bedroom and fell asleep. I didn't wake up until almost 9 p.m. I made myself something quick to eat, and went back in the bedroom and just read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. (Yes, I'm reading the series backward...I don't know why.)
He is trying to be nice, but when it comes to dealing with the insurance, and the house...I'm in it alone. He doesn't deal with any of it. It's all on my shoulders, and I feel abandoned by him.
To add insult to injury, now there's talk at work about outsourcing our jobs. Can I get a break, please? Or is the grand plan for gr8chick to lose her mind and have a nervous breakdown? Because it looks like that's what's going to happen.
But then I have to sit back and take a breath. I have to work hard at thinking that everything happens for a reason, and it will all work out in the end.
These are the possible silver linings that I have come up with. Yes, some are stupid, but I'm grasping at straws, OK?
1. By walking to and from work everyday, I'll lose weight. ;)
2. Whether my car is a loss or not, I can cancel my insurance since I won't have another vehicle for a long time, and that will be an extra $300 a month.
3. That extra money a month can be used for the deposit I'm sure the mortgage people are going to ask for.
4. I should get a grace perioud of about 30 days before I need to make that deposit, which I should be able to get out of the payday advance cycle, which fucks me every time.
5. Hombre will at least have to go to AA classes, some counseling, and do drops which I hope will help him stay sober.
6. All that which does not kill us, makes us stronger. Hopefully that holds true for Hombre and I.
7. If I do lose my house, then hopefully I'll be able to get an apartment that is in better condition than my house.
So there you go. That's what I'm hoping for. Things will work out. I just have to keep the faith, and pray.
I am blessed, however, to have Fina in my life. Do you know that my amiga offered to lend me money so that BabyGirl would start highschool with the stuff she needs? I refused to use that money to pay for the mess Hombre and I are in. That money is for her, and I'm not taking it away. You should have seen how happy she was to be able to get a few new clothes. Just a couple of jeans, and a ton of shirts. BabyBoy bought her new shoes, so she is pretty set. I cannot beleive that I am so lucky to have Fina in my life, and that my son is trying to look out for his little sister.
That's another silver lining! :)
PS - I tried e-mailing you, Ing, but the e-mail address would not go through.