soulsearching

Oh, so much to write about.

Let me first start by saying that yesterday, I recieved a call from a person I had not heard from in a couple of years. He was someone I dated while Hombre and I were separated. It was so nice to hear from him. He was calling just to see how I'm doing. He and his wife just had a baby a few months ago. He sounds so happy, and I'm happy for him.

It just made my day to know he still thinks about me.

OK, now on to the next thing. On Tuesday, LilMama and I attended an Al-Anon meeting. I was so scared. But Brian, you are so right. They were the sweetest group of people. We didn't speak, but being the newcomers they welcomed us and told us breifly about the first time they attended a meeting. All I can say is that I cried the whole time I was there. LilMama cried,too. We are all in the same boat for the most part. They understand all these feelings I have inside of me. They emphasized that Al-Anon is not about the alchoholic...it's about healing ourselves. Making ourselves happy.

I left that place feeling so much lighter, so much more at peace. I can't wait to go back next week. There were a couple of ladies that just hugged the shit out of me. Oh, how I needed that!

I have a bunch of literature that I'm reading through. But that night after Hombre came home from visiting his cousin, I told him that we had gone to the meeting. I don't know if I told him to make him feel bad..? I think part of me did, if I'm going to totally honest. But then he snickered at me. Then he asked irritatedly, "So what you told them all about me, huh?"

I told him that I didn't even talk. I did tell him I mostly cried...again, I think I was trying to make him feel bad. I know now that making him shitty for his drinking is only going to make things worse. Anyways, he starts telling me, "I know...I know...that's the same thing they tell you at AA. I KNOW all that shit."

I just looked at him, picked up all my pamphlets and went into the bedroom. I was NOT going to let him get me into an argument. He didn't follow me, but instead made himself something to eat, then went to bed.

So last night, he takes off to go "fishing." He calls home around 11:30. He was pulled over, and was going to jail. He had two warrants out on him that we knew of. One for child support, although I don't understand that since he's been paying every week since he got out last time. And the other was for a fine they said he was not paying from the last incident. He didn't tell me why they pulled him over...only where the truck was so that I could go get it. When we got in the truck, it smelled like beer, and there was an open bottle on the floor, and another full can of beer on the seat. So I'm sure they got him for drunk driving.

All I can tell myself is that this is a blessing. Talk about perfect timing! Hopefully, he will be in there long enough to dry out, and hopefully he will be sentenced to go to AA classes. This time with the rest of us going to Al-anon classes, maybe, just maybe we will all be successful.

On another note, I must ask your opinion about something. I bought Hombre a used cell phone from ebay from an established seller on eBAy. I mean it's like a company. So, the day it arrived I charged it, and then BabyBoy set up the wallpaper so a dude snowboarding. That night Hombre didn't get home till way after midnight.

The next day, he calls me over to the couch and tells me to look at something he found on his phone. It took him a minute to find it, but it was there under "downloaded images." He said it was already there. It was a picture of some chicks vag and piehole. A fucking close up! And it was not a downloaded picture of a playboy model, or anything close to any type of model. In fact, the bitch had a big ass fucking pimple on her ass. It looked like a fucking picture someone took with the phone.

He swore up and down that he did not take the picture. So I told him that I was going to e-mail the seller to let them know. He got all touchy, asking me why did I have to e-mail them? I told him that we're required to leave feedback whenever you buy something from ebay. And I wanted to let them know that they may be missing somethings when they clear them for re-sale. What if I had given that phone to BabyGirl? He didn't say anything to that, but he looked a little "funny" like that didn't sit well with him.

I e-mailed the seller, and the response I got was that they clear all their phones using a code. He gave me the code to try it. He apologized about the incident, and offered to give me a refund. I did not try the code, since I had already deleted the damn picture. Hombre didn't say anything about the response they sent me.

So, my question to you all is: Would I be naive to believe his explanation? Honestly, I don't believe it at all. I even told him that if he is seeing someone, he just needs to tell me, and we can work on going our own separate ways. I'm not going to sit around boo-hooing about it, and I'm not going to blame him...I just want to get on with my life. And if he wants to be with someone else, well, then go on then!

He got pissed. He said I was probably hoping that he was cheating. I just sighed and walked away. Whatever...I'm just giving it over to God. I'm not going to stress about this crap anymore.

So there you go...my life for the past week. I'm tired just typing about it!

Have a great day, ya'll!

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