Sex and love...well, sex anyway...
12:48 p.m. - 2008-06-03
Well, it had to happen. I really, really needed to get laid, and I went home, Hombre had just taken a shower, and he smelled so good! I LOVE it when a man smells good.
I was all over him, kissing, touching, rubbing. BabyGirl was home, but was sleeping in her bedroom. We pretty much grinded until we were both were satisfied (remember the bedroom is actually the living room).
It did little to alleviate my need. I had it in my head that he would not be drinking that night, and we would be able to enjoy each other unhindered, ya know? I have not felt the physical desire to have sex that strongly in a long, long ass time. I kept telling him how I just love being with him when he hasn't been drinking. It reminds me of our beginning, when all we could do was be with each other. I told him how much I missed being like this with him, and how much I wanted him.
Well after our grinding session, he gets up, puts his shoes on and tells me he's going to his cousins house...he won't be gone for a long time, he promised not to get drunk, and that was the end of that!
OK...was I a little too over the top with what I was saying when we were making out? He was responding positively at the time. Or is the thought of sex with me not that inviting? For all his bitching and whining about how little I have sex with him, you would have thought that he would have responded like "Hey, I better jump on that shit right now before she changes her mind." Right?
He came home around midnight. He was drunk, but not his usual yucky self. I was still mad and did not go to his bed. I hate it when he comes in, looks at me, and rubs his hands togeher with his tongue sticking out, just leering at me. I really have to fight the urge to throw something at him.
But damn it if I could not go to sleep, and I kept thinking about the things we could be doing to each other. I pretty much worked myself into a frenzy, and I ended up waking him up around 3:30 a.m. We pulled the bed out, and got some shit taken care of. I was satisfied physically, but something was missing. The actual emotional intimacy was not there. I think you know what I'm talking about, Wyatt don't ya?/p>
I want to be caressed, I want to held, I want to have my neck kissed gently, and have him inhale my scent. I want him to fondle my breasts, and I want to be kissed on the mouth. It's been so, so long since we've kissed each other. I don't like to feel like I'm just a vagina waiting to be had. Now don't get me wrong...slam sex is great, just not all the time.
I guess I'm feeling a little disconnected emotionally from him, from everyone. I want to be able to lay next to him, and just talk about silly shit, laugh, play. Is that still possible after 25 years? I read X's and Cera-Jean's diary, and they have what I long for. That united happiness and joy in being with that person that makes you feel so loved, so cherished.
I don't know...I'm starting to feel sorry for myself again. I need to put a stop to this. I just really don't know how...
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