Same shit, different day!
8:56 a.m. - 2007-08-23
Same shit, different day!
8:56 a.m. - 2007-08-23
So we got our dog back for $140.00. The dog pound picked her up Saturday morning. Then I had my car towed home for 250.00. Hombre actually worked his ass off doing some side jobs to pay for everything, which is the least he should do, right?
And yes, he starting drinking the night before last. He tried to be sneaky about it, but I caught him.
"Already, huh?"
"It's just one beer."
"And then it'll be two, then four..."
"Oh, whatever!"
"It's not enough, is it? What happened with the car, the dog...it's not enough! You're not going to stop until you kill yourself, or you kill somebody."
"You wouldn't care anyways!"
"Don't give me that shit! If I didn't care, then I wouldn't have put up with your shit all these years. I wouldn't constantly be there to help you get out of the shit you keep getting yourself into! Don't try and switch things up and put them on me. Don't try to make me feel like a bitch because I worry about your ass, and I have to act like you're mom! Jeezuz, grow the fuck up!"
He stopped talking to me for the rest of the night. Last night, he drank three beers (according to him) on the way home from work! Can you believe that shit? Still willing to get into a vehicle with open alchohol! We got into it again. I know it's not up to me to "make" him better.
I just don't know how to deal with the situation, to make myself feel less responsible. Make myself feel like it's not my fault that he drinks. Make myself feel that I don't have to put up with this shit. I find myself waiting for something to happen that will force him to take action.
But he's has been working his ass off to try and make things right with the car. It's not as bad as the officer made it sound. Hopefully, the frames not bent. There is hardly any body damage to it. Mostly just scrapes and scratches. The driver side window is broken. Insurance will not be covering anything, of course.
What breaks my heart is that he's already rationalizing everything away. He was telling me that when he was coming around the curb, he hydroplaned, and that's why he lost control of the car. OK...that's possible, but come on now! I got pissed and said, "So you don't think that you're being drunk had anything to do with it? Is that what you're trying to tell me? If that's true, then why did you leave the scene! You just made everything ten times worse by doing that!"
Another argument. I finally gave up. I know there is nothing I can do to make him stop, or do anything to help him. I know I should go to Al-Anon meetings, but then that would mean having to admit something is wrong with my relationship. I'm as bad as he is, right? Worrying about what people will think, what they'll say...
His mother told me yesterday that she asked him if he was hurt in the accident. She started laughing when she told me that he replied, "No...GR8 hurt me more than that ever would."
She told me, "I thought, 'Boy, she must have been pissed and popped him a good one.' I tried so hard not to laugh at him."
"What? I didn't even touch him...Lord knows I really wanted to, but I didn't."
His sister said, "Damn, you must've given him a hell of a tongue lashing then." They both cracked up.
"I never would have thought that what I said to him would make him feel bad. He acts like he doesn't even hear me, which just makes me madder. I hate this, because I'll be alright for a while, then I start thinking about shit, and I get pissed all over again, and I start arguing with him."
His mom said, "He needs to quit with his drinking shit! He's gonna end up just like Papa. Keep getting pissed at him! Maybe it'll finally sink into his thick head!"
You guys don't know how releived I was to hear to say that. I thought she was going to get on my ass for bitching at her son. But I guess she can relate to what I'm going through, because she went through the same thing with Hombre's dad.
OK...I guess I better wrap things up for now. I may not be posting as often, but I'll be reading. Take care, all!