soulsearching

Well, today has been interesting. Mr. Man called me and left a VM asking me to call him back. It has been so busy today, so I didn't get a chance to call him back right away. When I did, he was in the shower. Who answers the phone when their in the shower? Must have been waiting for an important call, eh?

We talked for a few minutes, and he said he would call me back. Has not called back, yet. OK...not gonna trip out over that. That's alright, he has a busy life, and has things to do, I'm sure.

Last night I was feeling rather sentimental, and decided to call Hombre. I figured he called us the night before, it would probably make him feel good if one of us took the time to call him, and just show him that we are thinking about him. Well, to be honest, he sounded rather tired, and did not seem to be in the mood for talking. So I cut it short. I felt rather deflated, ya know?

Something I forgot to mention the other day...the day Mr. Man stopped by to see me. There is this guy that works here, yes, he's the one that I've been feeling rather attracted to. But he has never, ever indicated any interest in that way towards me. NEVER!! Besides, even if he did...of course I would be flattered, but I just can't do that, not at this point. If I were to decide to step out on Hombre, it would only be with Mister. He is familiar, we have history, we know what to expect from each other...and there is that damn crazy attraction I have for him. Did I ever mention how I just love his ass? I mean literally love his fine, black ass....his physical, smooth, firm booty!

OK...I'm distracting myself. Anyways, I could never have a relationship like that with any other man...just couldn't. It's Mister or nothing. Back to my story:

That day Mr. came to visit, this other guy...let's call him, ummm....DaMan. Well, I was outside talking to Mr. on my celly, when DaMan came strolling by. He made some smart ass comment about whether or not I should be talking on my personal cell phone on company time. I tried to ignore him and made a face at him. Yeah, like a little kid...yes, I did. I'm talking to Mr. and watched while DaMan goes to his car (which was parked close to our building), and he starts inspecting his tires. You know, checking the air pressure and shit. WTF?

So I said, "Should you be doing that on company time?" He said something back, but I didn't hear him, because it was at that point Mr. said he was pulling into the parking lot. I started to get nervous and excited at the same time. DaMan started walking back towards me, and the building. He was saying something to me, but my heart pounding in my ears drowned out what he was saying. I asked Mr. what kind of car was he driving.

Just as he said, "A Mercedes," he rounded the corner, and there he was in his sharp ass ride, all black and gleaming. Ha...that stopped DaMan in his tracks and he started watching Mr. as he slowed down to park. For a minute I didn't know what to do with DaMan standing there watching Mr. I kinda smiled at him, and I think he asked me if I knew who that was...I still couldn't hear right.

I walked over to Mr. Man's car and we began talking. The whole damn time, DaMan was just watching us. He was talking to someone from the building, but he kept his eye on us. I started to get kinda nervous because he was being fucking nosy, ya know. I couldn't really enjoy Mr.'s visit because we were being watched. When Mr. finally pulled away, and I started to walk into the building, DaMan said to me, "Man, that was a nice car. You know him?" I stated that he was just a friend, and that he used to work here many years ago. He looked at me and said, "Oohhh...ugh-huh! I see. What would your husband say if he knew you had men coming up here to see you?" I turned and looked at him, and said, "Now why would that be any of your business?"

He was smiling, looking all sideways at me. "Maybe I should tell him the next time I see him?"

I stopped and turned to him and responded, "Maybe you should just worry about keeping your lady happy, and stop worrying about everyone else. How 'bout that?"

He laughed and said he must have touched a nerve. I told him again that Mr. and I are good friends...from a long time ago. DaMan said "So, I see you like the darker meat..." or something along those lines. I just smiled, because I honestly didn't know how to respond. Then he said, "I think I knew that about you, though." What do you mean, you knew that about me. He said I acted "urban." What? Like how...I don't understand what you mean?

He stammered and stuttered, and then finally admitted he was trying to take his foot out of his mouth. So out of curiosity I asked him if he had ever been with anyone other than an African American woman. He said, "Nope, never. Just right here, in my own little..." and he made a gesture of making a box with his hands. I asked him why, because for some reason I was feeling offended. Like in his own way he was saying that black women are the best, and the rest of us just don't cut it. Am I being too defensive, or too sensitive? He said he just has never has the inclination...

WOW...ok. I can relate to that...I guess. But you know what? I find it weird now that it seems to me, and it could all just be in my head...it seems to me that he goes out of his way to bump into me. Like yesterday for example, he comes into our office, and just stands there. As soon as I looked up, he said, "Ugh...there's trouble." I asked him was that the only reason he came in, and he said, "Yeah! See ya, later." Today, too, has been like that. He's been saying things like, "Oh, there goes my day," when he sees me. Or, "Now I gotta go home, my day is ruined."

WTF...are we in sixth grade or what? Oh, and I guess, I'm ugly, too. When the hell did my name change to Charlie Brown?

I don't know...I'm confused, I guess. Not gonna worry about it. Right now, I just have to deal with my inner turmoil. Hombre is coming home tomorrow, and I'm not sure what time. So if I had planned to do something about Mr. Man, today was my last chance...for now anyways.

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