Giving it up...
11:27 a.m. - 2007-12-17
Giving it up...
11:27 a.m. - 2007-12-17
OMG...I finally used my Fluidity last night. Man, my buns are burning! As are the backs of my legs, my obliques. That shit is a lot harder than it looks!
Tonight, I'm going out with the fella's! Yeayah! My ex-jefe, my ex-coworker, and my current co-worker. I don't care what Hombre says...I need to be with friends. And if they're all male...even better! But one is gay...but it still doesn't matter! I love these guys, and we always crack up when we're together. We made a good team. Too bad our org didn't see that...
Anyways, I'm geeked! Of course, I'm going to be so self concious about my wieght. I hate it that I've gained so much. I'm just looking forward to seeing the guys. I miss them so much!
I spent most of my weekend at LilMama's house babysitting. I guess Hombre went to his cuz' house for a while on Friday, but got home around midnight. He went to work Saturday. He's still waiting for me to give in and spend the night with him. It's been over a month, and even I'm feeling the effects. But I just don't find him attractive anymore. If I try really hard, though, and just imagine that he's Mr. Man, and think about the times we used to meet in the bathroom at work...Oh, yeah. Quick and dirty...I loved it! I don't know why I took that risk...I could have lost my job! But the chance of getting caught added so much more to the experience.
So that's what I think about when I'm with Hombre. Otherwise, I do not get any satisfaction from it. Isn't that sad? I don't know if I've just brainwashed myself into believing that if he quit drinking, we would be good in all areas of our relationship. But at times, I don't think that is the case anymore. And then I get scared thinking if I feel like this, then maybe he feels like this, too. Maybe he doesn't find me attractive anymore, either. Maybe it's just the act of getting his rocks off, no matter who it's with. Because when we are together, that's what it feels like. There is no loving emotion behind it, no attraction (I think for him), I think he just needs to cum. And that's what I'm there for. Hell, he's probably imagining his other baby's mama when he's fucking me! Who knows?
OK...I'm not going to think about that right now. I'm horny, and I'm irritated because I'm horny, and I really need a man. Shit, I have a feeling Hombre's going to get lucky tonight....
Something's gotta give...