Calgon, take me away!
12:26 p.m. - 2008-04-23

Today I'm feeling restless. I feel a little lost, with no direction. I need to do something to change my life, or at the very least change myself.

I feel stagnant, like I'm stuck in a rut. I don't like this feeling. Did I tell ya'll that I cut my hair a few weeks ago? I cut about six inches off. It's starting to grow back, and now it's at my shoulders, whereas before it was almost down to my waist in the back.

I tried to shake things up, and for a minute there, I felt refreshed. But now that feeling is starting to fade. I think I'm feeling a little imprisoned. With no vehicle, I cannot just pick up and go. I literally get home from work and stay home. Maybe every couple of weeks my daughter will take me to Walmart, or Hombre will take me to Miejers to get some food. But other than that, it's like I'm under house arrest. I guess I could drive Hombre's big ass utility van. But he has problems with it quitting on him sometimes, I'm afraid I'll get stranded somewhere with it. I need interaction with folks outside of my family...outside of my damn house!

I have been drinking a lot, too. Not drinking till I'm falling down, but more often. I need to watch that. Hombre is only too happy to provide me with beer. Because if I'm drinking, I can't wag my finger at him, right?

I think I'm depressed. Both my daughter and I need new clothes, especially her. She is trying to squeeze into her old stuff from last year, and causing me so much stress with the "OMG...I got so fat!"

I'm ready to pull my hair out, peeps!

There are days when I wish I could find a quiet place outside, and just lie back on the grass and enjoy the wind blowing over me, and the warmth of the sun on my face, listening to my R&B and just relaxing. NO rush, no obligations, no money worries, no alchohol...

Just me, alone with my thoughts, and possibly finding peace for my soul...

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