For Acornotravez...
9:25 a.m. - 2008-02-08
I added some pics to my private folder. I was trying to show what my hair looks like when I don't flat iron it, but the pictures just didn't pick it up.
Anyways, all is well on the home front, I guess. I was too tired to be mad. That sure takes a lot of energy...trying to stay mad at someone. I read Acornotravez, and she made me think about some stuff.
You see, when Hombre found out I was still seeing Mr. Man after Hombre moved back home, he was pissed. How did he find out? Well, I never realized the house phone stored all the digits in a number that has been dialed. So he was able to get my code for my voicemail at work. He happened to pick up a message from Mr. talking about how he had liked the red panties I had on the day before. How he can't stop thinking about me, and he really wants to see me again. He threw in a few details, too, about what he would like to do to me.
OMG...Hombre was pissed. He said he was going to call Mr. Man's wife, he said he was going to find out where he worked and kick the living shit out of him. I was too embarrassed to say anything. But I was more pissed that he caught me. Besides, I never agreed that Hombre could move home. That decision had been made by his sister, who had packed his shit up from his mothers house and dropped it off on my front porch. It was so ugly. In the end I promised him that it was over, although I still continued for a few months after that. Finally, I started to feel really guilty about it, and that's when I broke it off with Mr.
So trust is a big issue for us. Every once in a while, when he is really drunk, he'll bring it up. Otherwise, it's like a huge invisible pile of shit between us. That is why when he does not come home at night, I think he's with someone else. I still expect him to pay me back for what I have done. Nothing will ever totally erase that lack of trust either. I don't ever see me being able to 100% trust him, and I don't expect him to ever trust me 100% either.
It's been eight years since all that happened. And that is why I blame myself for his drinking problem. I don't know how I would handle it if it had been the other way around.
Keep your head up, Acorn! I know what this shit feels like. I hope you and Amor fair a lot better than Hombre and I have.
;)
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