-
10:12 a.m. - 2007-10-08
Well, this weekend was pretty shitty. Hombre and I got into an argument...or maybe you could say I got into an argument.
Babyboy and his girlfriend had given me a ride to the grocery store. We got back to the house, and GF helped carry the bags in from the car. Hombre was sitting there (not drinking), and got this look on his face like he was mad about something. Then he starts with the heavy sighing, like something is bothering him. He half way gets up from the couch, and cranes his neck around the door to see where Babyboy and GF are, shakes his head, and sighs some more.
Finally, BabyBoy says he'll be back and he looks upset. After they left, I asked Hombre why he was acting like that. "Like what?" he said all defensively.
"Like you don't want GF here, all sighing loud and making faces and shit."
He shook his head, but didn't say anything. I told him that sometimes I get the feeling he does that just to piss BabyBoy off, make him feel bad.
He told me, "You know why I'm like that? Because I'm embarrassed about the house. Look at it..the dishes aren't done, the floor needs to be swept..."
I looked at him with my mouth hanging open...I could't beleive his ass.
"What? You're embarrassed? Shit, you haven't worked for the last three days, why the hell didn't you do something and clean up. What, am I supposed to work all day, and come home clean the house, and have a hot meal waiting for you when all you contribute to the household is a bunch of drunken bullshit? Where the hell is it written that you are entitled to be taken care of while not giving anything back to your family, to this household. I don't clean, eh? But I take care of all the other shit, though, right? You fuck up my car, and now it's up to me to get it fixed right? We might lose the house, but it's up to me to save it, or else it's my fault that we lost it. You don't offer to pay anything, or give up any of your fucking money to help take care of the 'big' shit, though. That's all on me. Meanwhile, you get to come home, and sit on your ass drinking all night, spending your money on your beer, and fully expecting me to take care of the house and everything else. Did someone crown you king of this house? You're embarrassed? I'm embarrassed that you're known as one the northside drunks! I'm embarrassed that BabyBoy's friends talk about how drunk you get, and the shit you say about us when you walk down to their house to drink. They laugh at you, and you think you're being the cool guy. You're supposed to be my partner in this thing...We're supposed to work together. But you just want someone to take care of shit for you...and that's what I've been doing. I put a roof over your head, and I pay the bills, I got a vehicle...It's all me, you motherfucker! The house is dirty...then get off your ass and do something about it!"
Then I started crying, because I felt like a failure for not keeping my house clean. I locked myself in the bathroom, and cried even harder thinking about all the mean, horrible things I just said to Hombre. I felt like I had cut his balls off, and squashed the shit out of them with my foot. I feel really bad, because I had always promised myself that I would never hold anything over his head like he used to do to me when we were on welfare. I promised I would never make anyone feel that insiginificant and unimportant, and now I've become just like him.
Two hours later, he was acting as if I had never said anything mean to him at all. It's a front, I know this, and the next time he gets super drunk...it'll all come out, I know it.
3 comments so far
add a comment
next -- previous
